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Saturday, October 2, 2010

Don't lecture me!

How many times have we had people lecture us about the importance of good eating, sleeping, exercise, etc.  All well intentioned messages but I have to admit I often thought or said "don't lecture me".  I knew every minute of every day that the choices I was making were not good for my overall well being.  Sure it satisfied the need of the moment, that craving but this feeling is short lived and usually always followed by regret or shame.

I updated my long term goals today after a long walk because I have a son who needs to lose a lot of weight.  He's always been on the upper end of the weight chart but once he went to university he started to gain weight due to really crappy food choices, eating very late at night, drinking beer and not exercising anymore.  It was compounded once he found out about his parents splitting up and the issues that had been going on.

I added a goal to be a supreme role model for him.  I don't want to lecture him, I want him to know what's possible with focus and hard work as a living example.  I want him to know there is a way out of this.  I want him to know that I am there for him to get him back on the right track of a long, healthy and happy life.  I know he is ashamed of his weight and I know it bothers him.  Sure he's smiles and laughs when people are around but I also know he is in pain when he cannot do the things in life other's his age are enjoying and he is even struggling day to day.

So I not only want to pay it forward and work with overweight kids I want to work with my son in a very constructive and successful way.  The first step is to transform me as the living example.

As always, be happy...

Friday, October 1, 2010

Challenge Updates

My first update on all three challenges, all is going very well so far.  Happy October!

Syl's October Challenge
- First day today Oct 1 and 1 shred done!

1.  Lose 36 pounds - lost 11 pounds to date 
2.  Workout a total of 5 times a week and go to my Kickboxing classes (counts as 2 a weeks) - 6 workouts completed 
3.  Keep my blogging, my food plan and other stats up to date AND report on Friday's - so far I've been updated daily, helps me keep focused!

at my local gym

1.  Lose 25 pounds - I've lost 11 so far after starting Sep 20 
2.  Don't quit the challenge - I'm still here!
3.  Attend gym classes regularly - on track

Be happy 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Reasons matter

As I was huffing and puffing during my kickboxing class today and seeing myself in the MIRROR, I had to shake my head and say why...

Why did I fail the last time I lost 35 pounds,

Or the time before that when I lost 40 pounds,

Or the time before that,

You know the cycle.

I have a long way to go and all I could think of was why will this time be different?  It made me think back to the "reasons" or my motivation in the past to go on the diet of that year.  One notable time was after my second son was born when I was 40.  He was a surprize birthday present but a wonderful one.  I worked out like a fiend when I was pregnant so when he was born I didn't have too much to lose and I did it easily.  I was a happy wife, mom and career woman.  At that time my Dad was quite sick and had to have a leg amputated due to type 2 diabeties.  That was really hard on him and my Mom and then leaned on me a lot.  I had to stretch myself even more which to me means - bad eating and no exercise.  I became very stressed.  Then he passed away and that compounded the situation.  There were a few years of eating and drinking too much;   the drinking to numb me and the difficult emotions and the eating to comfort me.  I was up over 200 and I had never been there; the high 100's but never over that mark.  Then I found out my husband of 19 years was cheating on me with my best friend - in a split second I lost my best friend and I thought my husband.  We went to councilling and I thought - if I lost weight and looked more attractive to him he would be happy again.  I lost about 40 pounds and looked fantastic but alas, he was a jerk and cheated again so out he went.  Needless to say I was betrayed again, sad and very alone which meant I gained the 40 pounds back and more.

Mom got more frail as she had COPD and was very dependent on my sister and I.  She passed away when I was 45.   I ate more and drank more.  The cycle of gain and loss continued a few times up to last year when again I was back over 200 and celebrated my 50th birthday.  I was finally healing from the tragedies of my 40's when I went to work one day and was laid off after 31 years.  Wow, how much can one person take.  The say that the most stressful events a person has to deal with in life is the loss of health, loss of a loved one and loss of a job.  Bam, bam, bam.

Last summer was a really hard time again but with the time off I realized I had to get my life back in order.  The problem this time was I wanted to lose weight specifically for the reason of finding someone.  I stayed on a program for about 3 months when I had to slow down my exercise due to my foot injury and I started eating and drinking too much again - I got careless and watched each pound come back on.  It didn't happen overnight, I was very aware that I moved up one size, then another.  I was the one back out buying XL clothes and size 16/18.

So here I am again.  But this time does feel so different.  There is a great post by Lyn regarding reasons that is a worth while read.  I did a few times.  Now I want to try to explain my present reasons:

1.  I want to do this for me.  I want to be healthier and even if I live alone I want to do it with lots of spring in my step.

2.  I've set very challenging long term goals.  Not the goal of fitting into a dress or losing weight for an event.  I want to get down to my weight I was at in my 20's and maintain it.

3.  I have a plan and I am being so much more open with my program and my progress - that's where the blog plays a role.  I am so glad I stumbled on this.  It is so therapeutic and is a commitment in itself.

4.   I am much more educated on what I need to eat to be more healthy and what exercise feels the best.  I am not on a points system or a program.  I am cutting fat, and eating a heart healthy 1500 calorie limit each day.  I watch my sodium, types of fats, carbs and protien.  I am eating lots of fruits and veggies, taking flaxseed and the recommended vitamins.   Oh yah and drinking lots of water and no wine.

I figure when I am successful, my self esteem will be so much stronger than before.  I will be out of the house and more active that I am convinced my soulmate will find me.  But like I said even if it's not meant to be, I will have gained so many more friends.  I am choosing health and happiness...

Be happy too.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Challenges = commitment and focus.

To me this means that challenges will help me with my commitment to my goals and maintaining focus.

I am already in the biggest loser challenge at my local gym and yesterday I committed to 2 new challenges – Steve’s Hot 100 (see link on this page) and Syl’s October challenge.  My specific goals for these challenges are on a new page called My Challenges.  I might have bitten off more than I can chew but I’m on a high and I wanted to take advantage of it.  There is no way I am quitting the biggest loser and the other two challenges are in support of my overall dream so why not.

I got some news today that has good and bad points.  I am a consultant and my business is built on the contracts I sign.  I had one ready to be launched Oct 1 but found out today that it may be delayed until Nov 1.  It will most likely be delayed at least 3 weeks due to red tape.  This is a slight setback and it’s funny, in the past I would have immediately panic’d and reached for the nearest bag of chips and a bottle of red wine... then something sweet, you know the drill.  The next day I would feel back about yesterday so I’d just sink deeper.  But not this time.  I have taken it in strike, so far, and am working out a plan to see how I can use it to my advantage.  So I am SOL with respect to the income I need however I could use the time to polish my business model and website and my weight loss commitment.  I have no time excuse for not doing my workouts.  I can get in lots of walking, The Shred (I’ll talk about that abuse in a minute), sometime at the gym and kickboxing.   I gotta be strong and keep things in perspective.

Now, the Shred, the dreaded Shred.  As noted above I signed up for Syl’s October challenge so that’s the 30 day Shred.  I tried it tonight and OMG that WAS a challenge.  There were a few moves that I couldn’t finish at level 1.  I found the jumping uncomfortable cause I felt like I was going to pee my pants.  It was hard to get my voluptuous body off the ground gracefully and maintaining control of my bladder.  I’ll be better prepared tomorrow.  And the weights I choose were too heavy for the number of reps so I’ll go down a size in order to get level 1 under my belt.  It is compact and a good workout so I’m in for more beatings.

My abs are killing me today from the kickboxing ab work and now my new friend Jillian but it’s a good pain, you know that pain that exists cause you know you did something good for yourself and your body is becoming stronger vs the other pain that comes from being too fat , inactive and having a body full of poison. 

Be happy,

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I got my ass kicked!

My rant for today...

I came in second for last week's BL challenge out of 47 people.  I missed the lead by .5% reduction in body weight.  I wasn't disappointed but my competitive side has kicked in.  I've increased my resolve to keep at the hard work and the payoff will show on the scale, the inches lost and the increased energy.  This week will be difficult because... I have a weekend away with the girls at a friend's cottage.  We usually do lots of eating, drinking, sitting around gabbing and laughing with very little exercise.  Not sure how I'm going to make it through and not sabotage myself but I am thinking up a plan.  I have the menu and am looking up the nutrition stats so I can be prepared with how much I can eat and of what.  The harder part will be the drinkies (and I like my drinks).  I am a wine lover and will have to spritz it up and only take a small amount.  I know I won't be able to say no all weekend (if it was a night no problem) so again, I want to go into this with a limit, a plan and stick to it.  I also will be out on walks more than normal (I have been pretty lazy in the past and passed on the walks).  If anyone has any other suggestions please, please let me know!

As part of the BL club I got a great rate on the gym membership so I joined for 3 months.  It includes the facilities and classes so I called tonight to inquire about the Kickboxing class - could a novice and someone who is in not great shape go and "fit in"?.  I was told yes.  So I went and got my ass kicked.  I was able to keep up with most of the arm moves but I definitely felt embarrassed by my combinations of arm and leg segments.  I stopped a few times as I looked in the mirror (lord I hate those BIG mirrors) and I looked like a fool with my flailing arms and randoms, out of sequence kicks.  The good news is I stuck it out including the ab work and the bag work (which was tons of fun).  I came home on a high and will be going back for the twice weekly class.  The next class to look into is Boot Camp but I am less keen on this one.

One of my goals is to get back to running.  At the moment I am doing a lot of medium paced walking both with my dog outside and on the dreadmill.  I am being careful not to aggravate my plantar facia.  I does feel tender tonight so I iced it after the class.  Hopefully it won't be too painful tomorrow.  I've gotta get it checked though because I am worried it's going to slow me down.  One of the reasons I stopped my workouts in the spring was the intense pain working out and just getting around every day.  It is definitely better but not gone away.  I want it gone away.

Gotta get ready to get my 7 hours of sleep a night - not.  I should be but am finding it really difficult.  My 12 year old son's bus comes at 6:50 each day so we are up at 5:50.  That's insane for any kid, and me considering I enjoy my late nights (thanks for that behavior Dad xo).  But that's the way it is so I'm giving myself another week to adjust.  Depending on which contract I am on next I may just drive him each day and bdrop him off since school starts at 8:20 (yah it's a 1 hour and 10 minute bus ride for what is a 20 minute drive by car).  That all being said, I do know how important sleep is to losing weight and recharging the batteries so good night, be happy!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Hot Chick'in!

The chicken was well done back then.  This is a long time ago, 28 years to be exact.  It is a snap of a very happy, healthy, fit and vibrant lady and it's me!  A former shadow of who I am now.  I'm getting my other pics together but this one is a favorite for me as a motivational view of what I was and can still be.  In the mid teens something click with me to want to be thinner as I struggled being a chunky monkey up to that point.  I could have done the fad diets or worse but I decided one night to get out on the road and pound the pavement.  From that one thought I became an avid runner and the weight melted off.  I became conscious of the food that I needed to be able to run more effectively believe it or not.  So by the time I was engaged and went down the isle, I was the thinest and healthiest I have ever been.

So if that type of change can happen from the one thought that one moment, why not now?  I feel motivated but I also realize it's only been.... a week (now stop laughing or snickering).  It's up to me to prove it's for real and here to stay and at the moment, that's where my feet are firmly planted.  The chick is in (the oven cooking, for probably a year)!

I read some blogs yesterday that really touched me as I could feel the struggle some people are going through after months and in some cases years of blogging and not seeing they're goals met.  This scared me at first because I could see myself in them.  I have been there too, made the big commitment, stayed "on track" whether it be exercise or diet or both only to fall off the wagon time and time again.  My heart goes out to all those struggling and I wish I could message each one to give some motivational message or a big hug.  I'll do this in a prayer.  For me, I am in a great place with my feet walking into a new future, one step at a time and that's all I can do.

I found an inspirational message yesterday that I want to share as I can completely relate with it and I embrace it 100%...

"For everything you've missed, you have gained something else,
And for everything you gain, you lose something else,
It is about you're outlook on life.  You can either regret or rejoice."

I've lost a lot of very important things that I cherished but I have also gained... it's about how you deal with the loss and open you're heart to accept new things.  I believe I have dealt with the losses now and am ready to accept new things.

Today I am down the 3 pounds again (?), I don't really know what's going on with the scale or believe it but we'll just keep watching it for now.  The more important measure is my "feel" and I feel thinner, lighter and more energized.   Oh and inches - I took my measurements and I am down 6 inches from last week (and in the important areas like my flabby abs, bountiful bottom and thunder thighs).

Ta for today, be happy!

P.S.  I've also been thinking about one of my Living List items - working with overweight kids.  I haven't a plan yet but have added a few links of interest.  Lots to think about here........

Sunday, September 26, 2010

You call this "SUN"Day?

Another dreary day in Ottawa.  September has been the wettest and cloudiest month that I can remember.  Would be great to have some sun for a few days to dry things up but on a brighter note the summer was fantastic!  I hope we don't pay for it with a cold and snowy winter.

I just got home from my biggest loser weigh in and I am a little disappointed.  I lost 5 lbs but was hoping for the 8-10 range.  I knew it wasn't going to be as good as expected because....... no I didn't cheat but I did have to go weigh in at a different time of the day than last time so that means more water and food already in the body.  But you know - I don't care (about the difference in the lbs lost).  Did I say I lost 5 LBS!!!.  In the end  I am very happy with that and it fuels my determination.  This is a good sign.  Normally I would linger on the disappointment and hmmm, cheat?  Maybe or do stupid things like cut back on needed food.  But I won't do either.

This week I am commitment to my new ways and will add some exercise.  As part of the BL club I joined the gym for 3 months and the owner said my son can join as well as long as he works out while I am there (no dah I'd leave a 12 year old on his own).  So this week we are going to try kick boxing.  We'll also get a trainer to show us all the machines and which ones are good for me and which ones are safe for J.  I am looking forward to getting back to exercise but I am going to be mindful of not overdoing it, why?  Because when I do this I exhaust myself overtime and then stop OR I injure myself and have to cut back or stop OR I end up exercising for 1 1/2 to 2 hours a day and overtime you just can't keep this up (well at least if you have a family and a job).  Last time on the roller coaster of weight loss/gain I over did my exercise and got plantar facsia which is extremely painful and much to my dismay very hard to overcome.  It still is an issue some days and I'm not sure how it's going to far when I start back up but I have to give it a try.  I also have to be serious about the stretching that is needed, the heat/cold treatments, etc.  My goal this week is to get the exercise going and lose another 5, this may be ambitious but I'm not settling for less as a goal.

A positive sign of change so far is the energy level I had yesterday for my son's birthday sleep over.  Setting up, catering to, babysitting at times and cleaning up after a party and sleep over for 7 "youths" would normally be very draining for me.  I would get it done but it would take me much longer and it would result in very sore legs and feet and a very cranky Mom/hostess.  I not only managed to be an energetic, happy Mom and Hostess but I made homemade cookie dough so the guys could create their own cookie (instead of a cake, we had that already) and also made homemade muffins and banana bread for breakfast.  I must have been on my feet for 12 hours solid.  Great day overall and a very happy son!  Oh and he friends said I was "cool".

So today is all about clean up and homework.  Then I've got a healthy dinner planned and early bedtimes for all.

Till tomorrow, be happy.