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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

My Angel and Devil

So it's been just over 3 weeks for me on my life change / journey and I've been having some weird thoughts lately.

I've been feeling really positive about my exercise routing.  I like the choices I am making and I am finding I want to add a bit more and go every day.  I don't want to go crazy because I cannot commit to working out 2-3 hours a day physically and time wise.  I do want to do more active things which are a type of exercise than before.  The thought that flashed though my mind yesterday was...

"hey you, I know your feeling really good from the kick boxing and walk outside but haven't we been here before?  Haven't we committed to exercise and stayed with it for 2 - 3 months only to drop it?  Then you go back to being a couch potatoe?  What makes this time different?"

I have no idea why but there it was in the my conscious thought.

Also, I was going through the entries in my journal pleased with my progress both with food choices, portions and ratios (ie. fat to carbs, etc).  Then a thought popped in my head...

"hey you, I know your feeling really good about the food plan but haven't we been here before?  Haven't we committed to the plan and stayed with it for 2 - 3 months only to drop it?  Then we gain back all the weight and maybe a little more?  What makes this time different?"

I took these thoughts and combined them with my hesitation to share my "change" with my extended family and friends.  The only people that know are my son, my sister and circle of bloggers.  Why won't I openly disclose what I am doing?

"hey you, you know the answer to this.  It's because you've done this so many times in the past and failed.  They won't roll their eyes in front of you but they will be thinking... here she goes again, on her dieting and exercise band wagon.  I wonder how long it will last this time"

What did I do?  I said to myself...

"hey you, stupid.  I'm the one in control here so back off.  I am the one making the choices and I know in my heart and MIND that this time is different.  I'm not going to let you're thoughts have any credibility.  I know what's past is past and the future is going to be different.  I am the master of my destiny.  I will be a changed person by my 52nd birthday, this is not negotiable."  

So to add some humour to the cause I've labelled this the angel and devil moment.  The devil is the stupid one putting those questionable, defeatist thoughts in my head and the angel is the one in control.  I feel really good about this and boy I just love the fact I've found a place to record it and reflect back.



Now my Booya moment (pronounced boooo ya!).  I won the biggest loser challenge at the club last week having lost 3.1% of my body weight.  I've also maintained my 15 lb loss and still feeling leaner and pumped.

Also it's Blog Hop Wed so join ahead and join in!

Gotta get out for a walk in this glorious weather, ta for now, be happy!

Update: walk was fantastic, 4 miles plus another 1 mile run, booya!

14 comments:

Happy Fun Pants said...

WAY TO GO!

Talk about "Mind over fatter!" :)

Ellen said...

Holy, moly!! 4 miles plus a run? You are in the ZONE!! Congrats!

Lori said...

Congrats on winning the prize!

That self talk is something else, isn't it? Sometimes I just wish I knew where it came from!

kristi said...

You can do it!!!!

Kamarine said...

I've often wished to find the mute button for that little voice in the back of my head. It always knows when and where to strike.

Congrats on winning the award and the loss. You're doing great. :)

Syl said...

you are amazing!

Catherine F. said...

Hey well done - those demons get way to much power sometimes! Put the lid on them I say, or better still, just dissolve them through your actions and endeavour. Congrats on the loss!

Melissa @Suger Coat It said...

Argh that little voice. Designed by nature to keep us alive but annoying 90% of the time. And wrong just about as often... Only if you don't believe it, of course.

Karyn said...

Yee hah! Congrats on the award, and especially for kicking that annoying and defeatist voice to the curb!! This may be an ongoing conversation for a while, but eventually it will retreat into oblivion. Maybe you could head it off at the pass in the future with an abbreviated response...just tell it to, "Shut the hell up!!" ;-)

Anonymous Fat Girl said...

Yes, congrats on the award! :)

Sometimes shutting up that negative voice within is the hardest part of this journey. I have no doubt you can do that. You ARE doing it. Great job.

JW said...

Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog. I am happy to meet new folks along the way. :) I hear you fighting that old "I've been here before" feeling. But, here's a fact: Life always moves FOWARD, never BACKWARDS. So, you can never be where you were before. It's impossible. You are HERE, NOW. All you have been through in your life up to this point is stored within you, but it does not have to define you. We can use those old lessons to learn and grow, but we cannot let them DEFINE us. This is a NEW place for you! Embrace, enjoy and celebrate! :) Janelle

Girly Girl: Losing the Gut said...

Congratulations on winning the biggest loser challenge at your club! That is awesome. Every small victory leads to your greater goal. I love your blog, so honest, yet motivating. I am excited to be a follower! If you have time check my blog out. Keep up the good work!

www.gregariousgirlygirl.blogspot.com

Shanilie said...

Congratulations on winning the challenge! How motivating! I wanted to say thank you for nominating me for the versatile blogger award. I hope to finally blog about that later today.

I know what you mean about the little devil and angel on each shoulder creating mixed ideas. You're doing well!

Fran said...

Congrats on winning the challenge.

I've asked myself these questions many many times before. And now that I'm finally losing the weight and exercise regurarly I haven't told anyone either. Because I don't want to make it a big deal but something that's part of my life. And so far this is working for me.